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Have you ever discovered your self saying sure to one thing however deep down inside you actually wished to say NO? Are you too good on your personal good? Do you end up giving far more than receiving in relationships?
In case you’re nodding alongside, you might be affected by the ‘Too Good Syndrome.’ Being too good can typically lead you to really feel undervalued and disrespected in your relationships.
On this submit, I’ll share some insights on how one can keep away from falling into the lure of being a doormat in your relationships and turn into extra empowered.
Establish the Root Trigger
On the core of being ‘too good’ is usually a deep-seated lack of self-worth. Most individuals pleasers have a tendency to hunt validation exterior themselves as a result of they don’t have a transparent understanding of their values and what they should make them pleased inside.
This will lead an individual to morph to slot in with any narrative round them to allow them to be ok with themselves. Even on the expense of their very own well-being, they go above and past what is predicted of them, hoping that this may make the opposite individual like them extra.
Nevertheless, this typically has the other impact and may in the end result in you feeling used and undervalued.
Set up Boundaries
Some of the important steps in overcoming ‘Too Good Syndrome’ is to determine wholesome boundaries. In my Aware Courting Program, I name these non-negotiables.
These usually are not superficial traits like somebody’s top or how a lot cash they make. As an alternative, non-negotiables are a set of core values it is advisable be met by your companion to be able to be pleased in a relationship. For instance, somebody that’s household oriented or is keen to be susceptible and categorical their emotions.
Understanding and setting boundaries communicates to others that you simply worth your self and your time. It additionally helps to determine clear expectations about what you’re and usually are not keen to tolerate in your relationships.
Balanced partnerships are essential for any wholesome relationship whether or not that’s in love, friendship, or at work. In case you are in a relationship with a taker, you probably really feel taken benefit of and exploited. If that is you, take a look at this video the place I present you find out how to establish a taker and what to do in case you are in a relationship with somebody who’s taking an excessive amount of and giving too little.
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It’s Okay to Say No and Disappoint
Saying ‘no’ generally is a vital problem for many individuals, particularly in the event you’re scared of wounding the opposite individual’s emotions. Disappointment is a part of life. It helps the opposite individual discover ways to deal with us and what’s okay and never okay to us.
Checking in along with your values earlier than agreeing to a favor or taking motion is crucial. In case you are used to mechanically saying sure with out thought, you aren’t honoring your personal wants or boundaries. Blaming the opposite individual is simple, however you’re chargeable for creating the wholesome boundaries you wish to be honored.
Being in tune along with your voice and sharing your truths is the easiest way to keep away from feeling like a doormat. Keep in mind that it’s okay to say “NO” to say your wants and prioritize your personal well-being.
Follow Self-Compassion
Asserting your boundaries can deliver up a bunch of feelings and nervousness. Particularly in case you are not used to voicing your truths. It’s important to construct an incredible stage of self-compassion throughout this time.
Dr. Brene Brown is a disgrace researcher and says the easiest way to apply self-compassion is by speaking to your self as you’ll somebody you’re keen on and care about. In case you make a mistake, as a substitute of calling your self silly. What would you say to a buddy? Most probably, “All the things can be okay; you made a mistake; all of us do. You’re nonetheless a tremendous human.”
Caring for your self in the beginning. Set sensible objectives and expectations for your self, and be type to your self in the event you slip up.
Encompass Your self with Wholesome Relationships
You turn into the typical of the 5 individuals you encompass your self with. It will be significant that you simply have a look at your tribe of individuals. Are they lifting you up or tearing you down? Are they compassionate individuals or ego-based mates? Do they make you are feeling emotionally secure?
Encompass your self with individuals who worth and respect you. This implies cultivating relationships with individuals who honor your boundaries and deal with you with kindness and respect.
Whenever you encompass your self with wholesome relationships, you set the stage for extra optimistic experiences in all areas of your life.
In conclusion, being too good generally is a difficult behavior to interrupt, however it’s important on your happiness and well-being. Bear in mind, valuing your self is vital to attracting the love and respect you deserve.
In case you want help in creating more healthy boundaries and breaking the people-pleasing cycle, I’m right here to assist. Schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Assessment with me right here.